FRIENDS
I don't know Thai, and don't know how to transliterate Pee and Puke's names correctly. I'm sure they're quite ordinary, respectable Thai names which raise no eyebrows in Lampang (where Pee comes from, he says) or Uttaradit (where Puke says, he was born). They're from the same district, they say, "quite close to the border", but which side?
Pee is a slim, medium height, smart-looking young man who has been nineteen since he came to Bangkok several years ago, and surprisingly healthy if you consider that hardly a week passes without one of his relatives passing away, not to speak of scooter accidents, marriages, pneumonia – name a disease, one of his relatives will get it. Whenever they have a few days off between one affliction and the next, his relatives renounce the world, shave their heads and ordain as monks. If you would know Pee as intimately as I do, you wouldn't be astonished to hear that becoming a monk costs more than marrying, pneumonia or death, which all involve, of course, considerable expense too. How can Pee remain cheerful and shop for yet another mobile phone or a DVD player only hours after such sad losses? You guessed it: Pee is a money boy.
Puke is a chip of a different block: Where Pee is slim and tall, Puke is short and muscular. When Pee bubbles a voluble cocktail of Thai and English, Puke prefers silence in Thai and knows no English beyond the four-letter words necessary to communicate with Farangs. At sunset, Pee is out in front of whatever bar they're working for, catching early birds, while Puke helps to clean the bar before the customers arrive. Pee will ask you to buy him a drink. If you offer Puke a drink, he looks left and right to make sure you mean him. On stage, Pee body checks lesser guys out of the limelight and grinds his swollen groin into your eyes, while Puke stands in slave market pose on one spot staring at the floor, then moves to the next spot gazing into the overhead spotlights, marking time until he can return to his corner near the emergency exit. If a Monday evening nets only one customer, and that one leaves the bar on a stretcher, Pee will be next to him in the ambulance, to take care of his wallet, while Puke is lighting incense at the bar's house altar and praying for a speedy recovery. The dozen or so ATM's in Silom, Surawong and Sathorn are the stations of Pee's customers' Calvary; he charges two thousand baht for a whole night. Puke, you guessed it, "up to you".
Pee and Puke share a room. Puke fetches food from street vendors, washes, irons, cleans, and gets up without grumbling from the sweetest of sleeps to go out and buy Paracetamol for Pee. Pee, though the same age, has been Puke's mother-and-father since Pee brought him to Bangkok. Every month, Puke sends home five thousand baht. Half or more is from Pee who has no family, or worse, traumatic memories.
To escape from bouts of depression, Pee has asked Puke to fuck him, but that's not what their relationship is about. They're together two years now; they're considering each other brothers; you could say they're friends.
WALKING
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Pee (comes in looking tired): You know…
Puke giggles.
Pee (giggling too): … that Farang…
Puke giggles.
Pee: … said, "Let's walk!" I think he means the Towel In or the Sweat Lot, but no, we walk… I ask him, "Where go, you?" He says, "I like to walk…"
Puke: Normally, as a carry bag…
Pee giggles.
Puke
When a small boy, I work as a carry bag in the village market, running after every lady and shouting "Carry bag! Carry bag!" But there are many boys and few wealthy shoppers without a servant to take their groceries home.
One morning, I'm lucky: A stocky lady gives me a 20 kg bag of rice to carry, too heavy for me, but I don't let it show. While we walk, the fat lady's mouth never stops, "… and now, my son has become a lieutenant colonel in the army who collects two hundred thousand per month and his own car…"
On and on she walks and talks, "…the District Police Chief asks me to consider his daughter, but my son is looking for a city girl. Maybe he's right, country girls are worth nothing…" Sweat is dripping from my nose, making me look like a frog. Every few steps, I've to change my hold. After half an hour, I ask her, "How much further?" – "Just a few furlongs." The mountain path turns into stone steps going up a naked rock ledge. Don't look down! Difficult enough to climb those high steps with that load on my head.
After almost an hour, we arrive at a walled-in farmhouse. The lady hands me a few coins then turns away and shuts the door. I look at the ten and twenty att coins on my palm and then at the closed door. What a stingy old beast! I wrap the coins inside the border of my pakhama [i.e. sarong], then turn and start down the endless flight of steps.
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Pee (giggling): You get some coins… I wouldn't get one satang but for running into Pa Wirachai…
Puke giggles.
Rama IV Road - 2 A.M.
Policeman Wirachai [in Thai]: Hi there, Chink! Where are you going?
Pee [in Thai]: Sir, the [obscenities deleted] Farang makes me walk until here!
Policeman Wirachai (to Pee): ID!
Policeman Wirachai looks at Pee's ID; (to the Farang): Passport!
Policeman Wirachai looks at the passport: Boy not age!
Farang: What?
Policeman Wirachai: Boy not age! You come!
Pee (to the Farang): Pay money, you!
Farang: NO!
Pee (to the Farang): Go prison, you?
Farang (to Pee): How much?
Pee: Five thousand, you!
Policeman Wirachai: No take money!
Rama IV Road - A Few Seconds Later
Policeman Wirachai (to the Farang): "You go!" (to Pee) "You come!"
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Pee (giving a thousand-baht-bill to Pee): From Pa Wirachai!
Puke wais in the direction of Rama IV Road.
Pee (giggling): Pa Wirachai said, "Give it to your flat nose fan!"
Puke (giggling): What for?
Pee imitates Policeman Wirachai's real man voice: "My ass hurts!"
Puke (giggling): Why ask for it if you can't take it? – What to tell Khun Boss?
Pee: Why doesn't the [obscenities deleted] Farang take a taxi?
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Pee takes off his T-shirt, slips out of his jeans, and enters the bathroom. Puke uncovers the plates with food. What need to talk about his happy childhood?
In the shower, Pee washes off the street dust and the touch of Policeman Wirachai's too strong sweaty body, the beer smell of his breath… Pee hates to fuck without lube; his cock is hurting.
Coming out of the bathroom in his wet underwear, drying his long hair with the towel, Pee sees the plates placed on newspaper spread on the floor and reads in Puke's eyes his friend's fear that talking about the past evokes the past.
They sit down to eat. Puke heaps rice on Pee's plate.
Pee (looking down, struggling with his emotions): I never expect to have a friend like you.
Puke (giggling to defuse the situation): We're brothers!
Pee (giggling too): Sorry, brother! I meant, "… without a nose!"
TALKING
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Pee, naked but for wet underwear, comes in from their "bathroom", which is just a dripping tap, a hole in the floor, a mirror above a shelf with whitening creams. The smell of Pee's apple blossom shampoo mixes with the sweat and the dirty plates of the tenants snoring on the same floor. Cars are splashing by in the rain on the Expressway few meters from their open window. It is a hot and sultry night. Puke, in wet underwear too, is squatting on the floor, washing their clothes in a plastic bucket.
Pee (trying to dry his body with a soggy towel): You know…
Puke giggles.
Pee (giggling too): … tonight's Farang…
Puke giggles.
Pee: … said, "Let's talk!" I think he means about what he wants, but he gets out notebook and pen and asks me, "Where are you coming from?" I say, "Uttaradit province."
Puke (giggling): Normally, you're from Lampang…
Pee: Don't talk about Lampang! I hate Lampang.
Puke (giggling): Don't talk about Lampang!
Pee: I want to talk about Lampang…
Puke (giggling): Will it not upset you, brother?
Pee: I want to be upset. I hate Lampang, you know Uncle Teacher…
Puke (giggling): Khrap?
Pee: He makes me cooks for him… And at night… Normally, I sleep on my mat in the school building, but one night, he is drunk…
Puke (giggling): Never mind!
Pee: Is a student no human being?
Puke (giggling): Would you like to drink some water?
Pee (violent): I kill him for sure! He is a sadist. That evening…
Lampang - Five Years Ago
A wooden village house on stilts, open windows, one electrical fan, a small TV. Uncle Teacher is sitting on an iron bed, watching the evening news, drinking whiskey.
Uncle Teacher (wiping the sweat from his face with a dirty handkerchief): Don't be so difficult, handsome one!
Pee: Please, Uncle Teacher Sir, there is homework to do!
Uncle Teacher catches Pee's arm and pulls him onto the bed. Uncle Teacher's sticky body smells of the Chinese medicine that he is using to stay strong. He pushes Pee flat on the belly and rapes him, hurting him.
When Uncle Teacher has finished, Pee runs out of the room, pulling up his shorts, crying. Some rowdies playing takraw outside the showers see him stumbling down the wooden stairs, guess what is going on and shout, "Come here, assfucked! We want to have fun with you too!"
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Pee lies down on the cool terrazzo floor with his head in Puke's lap. Puke is massaging Pee's neck.
Pee (crying): I hate Lampang.
Puke (giggling): What did the Farang want to know?
Pee (smiling with tears in his eyes): Khun Boss sent me to the hotel Oriantan.
Puke (giggling): You get a good tip…
Pee (giggling): Listen, brother!
Oriental Hotel Parking Lot – 10 P.M.
Security Mani [in Thai]: Come here, Chink! Where are you going?
Pee (showing a paper slip) [in Thai]: Sir, this Farang has called for massage.
Security Mani: No massage!
Pee: How much is your fee, Sir?
Security Mani (facing away impolitely): Six hundred baht! Give me your ID! Use the stairs!
Pee: Sure, Sir!
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Puke is massaging Pee's shoulders.
Puke (giggling): How much did the Farang tip you?
Pee (giggling): Listen, brother!
Oriental Hotel
Pee emerges from the service stairs and knocks at the door of the Gore Vidal suite.
After a few seconds, the door opens.
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Puke can see that Pee is getting in the mood
Puke (giggling): What type?
Pee (giggling because Puke's thing is pressing against his neck): The door opens, and there is…
Puke (giggling, pushing up his crotch): Khrap!
Pee: Half a Farang!
Puke (giggling, rubbing his thing against Pee's back): Half a Farang?
Pee (giggling, touching himself): Half a Farang, khrap!
Puke (giggling, flexing his thing): So you get only half a tip?
Pee (giggling, pushing down): Through the door, I can see only the right half of this Farang... because he is… fatter than Professor Klump! I want to run away, but Khun Boss will fine me…
Puke (massaging Pee's face): How much do you spend for the taxi?
Pee (biting Pee's hand): I think "fifty minutes" and slip out of my shoes.
Puke (reaching for Pee's thing): Today must be our lucky day. I go to the hotel Row…
Pee (lifting his head): Why do you go there?
Puke (pushing down Pee's head): I fear three Geeks want to share one barman, but it is only one Chink…
Rose Hotel
A middle-aged Chinese businessman in a hotel terry robe, smelling like Fried Alaska about to self-ignite, opens the door of room 112 and stares at Puke.
Khun Han: You no! You black!
Puke: No black.
Khun Han: Black. You go!
Puke: No black. Money taxi, you?
Khun Han: You go!
Puke: Money taxi, you!
Happily, a room-service waiter carrying a tray loaded with dirty plates passes by and, eyeing indiscreetly what Khun Han's slipping robe reveals, sides with Puke. After besotted remonstrations, Khun Han hands Puke hundred baht.
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Pee (biting into Puke's underwear): You black!
Puke (playing with Pee's ears): Did you top?
Pee (one hand inside Puke's underwear): I'm not a mahout. I suffer from vertigo.
Puke clutches Pee's hand...
Pee (pushing Puke's hand away): The Farang asked me to come and live with him in Germany.
Puke (pulling Pee towards him): Do you like white elephants?
Pee (giggling): He is rich. I will go!
Puke (sniff kissing Pee's forehead): Take me with you, brother!
Puke (pulling Pee's head down to French kiss): No, you black!
LONGING
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Pee, naked but for a wet towel around his loins, sits on the floor trying to fit together the pieces of Puke's photo. Around Pee, there are more half-empty plates than one meal would leave, and they smell.
Pee (talking to himself aloud): "Normally…"
Puke is not there to giggle.
Pee (giggling with tears in his eyes): "Normally…"
Puke's face is torn.
Pee reads once more on his phone the text message he received from Puke: "Cold here, food bad, Puke boring, miss you very. Brother."
Pee wanted to answer, "When are you coming back?" but Puke is using the man's phone.
Today when Pee jaywalked across Rama IV, he thought, "Don't care!" So afraid of losing his cool is Pee that he's about to cut his veins… He did it once before, but not for Puke. Puke is so good!
To keep from crying, Pee closes his eyes and imagines Puke making a sound like a gecko about to fall from the ceiling, "Tsk, tsk, never mind, brother!"
An Apartment in Karlsruhe – Mid Afternoon
The apartment door is locked. The man, Mannfett, has gone to work. Puke is zapping. The fridge is empty. It is four o'clock but getting dark. Puke would like to go out, see human faces, hear voices, go to the Thai shop near the S-Bahn station and eat rice. The thought of Pad Thai makes his mouth water and his mood sour.
Puke (talking to Pee in his heart): "To kill the man would be easier than to make him understand. What can I do? You have to be patient."
What is Pee doing now? Puke is afraid that once all Pee's clothes are dirty, the room too, the plates… Pee will take drugs to forget. Puke is so stupid! Killing the man will not get Puke back to Bangkok.
Pee and Puke's Room - 3 A.M.
Was it really Pee's idea to go to Germany, or the fat man's? Pee remembers the thrill of hurting Puke, and how Puke struggled to get a ticket to Germany too, finding finally Mannfett, a slim, nervous guy, thirty-nine, with a goatee, who got Puke his passport and a ticket. Did Pee really want to go to Germany with the fat man, or was he just playing with the idea to be for a change the one who leaves, not the one left? If the fat man would call now, Pee would do "whatever you like" for "up to you", to get a ticket to Germany. But the fat man has left, and for the low-season Germans showing up in the club now, hundred Baht more are one beer less.
In Bangkok / In Karlsruhe / In Bangkok
Pee remembers… and Puke can feel what Pee thinks… the morning Pee's mother suddenly said, "Coming back soon," and left. Even then, as a small boy, Pee knew that she wouldn't. How could she come back after running away with a girl-friend people said worked as a prostitute?
After his hopes to finish high school were dashed, Pee went to Bangkok to find his mother.
Sukhumvit Soi 23 – Four Years Ago
Pee shows a small paper with an address to an old mother street vendor, who asks him, "Are you a relative?
"She's my mother, do you know her?"
"Yes, I knew her; she worked over there, used to buy noodles from me. She passed away three days before Songkran… "
The street vendor looks at him with maternal compassion. A tuktuk driver interrupts her yelling an order for fried noodles from his vehicle.
Pee looks at the switched off neon signs of the nightclub and walks away quickly. Nobody needs to see his tears.
An Apartment in Karlsruhe
Puke tries to think hard and come up with a plan how to kill Mannfett and break open his desk to get passport and ticket, but the thought of Pee begging hell's guardsman to let Pee enter together with damned Puke gives Puke the force to push the thought of murder aside.
It is February and cold outside. Sitting in his T-shirt on the fourth floor balcony, Puke tries to find an escape route. Make Mannfett drunk? Mannfett never drinks a second beer. In Bangkok, Puke hadn't believed what bar brothers who had made the trip before told him: Mannfett will go out with Puke the four Saturday afternoons falling into the thirty days Puke is to stay (and have sex) with him, buying Puke in total one "Ich will meine Karlsruhe" T-shirt, and offering Puke the four beers necessary to show off his boy in Karlsruhe's only gay bar. Not even a beerteckel would Puke be allowed to take with him for Pee. Puke wasn't invited to have fun.
Puke doesn't care; he's only worried about Pee.
Bangkok Soi Anuman Rajdhon
Pee doesn't care; he's only worried about Puke. Even those of his brothers who charge "up to you" because they don't have a brain for figures, get it that Pee without Puke is like Ramkien without Prince Rama. Advice is freely flowing, and Mannfett's number from a love-smitten customer's handy called, but no answer.
Karlsruhe
Puke doesn't know whether he is allowed, but feels so cold that he wants to try a hot bath. After several minutes, the tub is filled less than one-third, Puke returns to zapping hoping to find something less boring, finds nothing and falls asleep.
He dreams that a lusty German young man, not Mannfett, is talking to him, shaking him, then waking up realizes that in fact, a crew cut, red-mustached, blue-eyed German is talking to him in English.
Hours later, when Manfred returns from work, there is a form in his letterbox to fill out and send his private liability insurance company to pay for water damages. In his apartment, Puke, Puke's clothes, passport and ticket are gone.
Three stories below, in blond Jürgen's little ground floor caretaker flat, Puke asks himself, "What would Pee do, brother?"
Before coming the second time, Jürgen promises to marry Puke; after the third time, Jürgen drives Puke to Frankfurt airport, pays to get Puke's ticket stickered, and cries when he kisses Puke good-bye.
Pee and Puke's Room – 8 A.M.
In the taxi, Puke imagines to find Pee asleep and sniff kiss him awake, "Pee, did you eat?"
But Pee and Puke's room is empty. Smelly, dirty, what is Pee wearing? All his favorite clothes are on the floor next to ten day's worth of plates two thirds full with rice, noodles, fish, shrimps and chicken. The bed is a mess, the pillow knocked out, the bed sheet floored, and next to their small table lamp, a stupid plastic monkey holds Puke's torn and glued picture in his stupid little hands. Puke comforts him, "Tsk, tsk, never mind, brother!"
Puke drops his bag, folds his pants and shirt, empties then washes the plates, next soaks Pee's clothes. The bathroom looks bad too. Just when Puke is at the worst part, Pee comes in.
"Why did you come back?" Pee's brows are knotted, his complexion discolored, his eyes evil and his mouth like a bloody cut.
"To clean your toilet, brother."
"Never leave me again!"
"Did you eat?"
"Have a shower, you smell!"
"Let me finish first!"
Pee and Puke's Bathroom - 9 A.M.
After cleaning the bathroom, Puke closes the bathroom door, takes off his underwear and, squatting near the tap, starts to soap his body. He sings a song Pee likes…
Will you hold my heart?
Forever love, forever dream,
Oh tell me why!
All is blue in my heart,
Will you stay with me?
Forever love, forever dream,
Oh, stay with me!
… but Pee pushes the bathroom open, shouting, "What are you singing? You left me!"
"You wanted to go to Germany, brother."
"That was a joke."
"I went because of you."
"Never leave me again!"
Pee doesn't let Puke rinse the soap off, and himself doesn't wash first. Pee throws his t-shirt on the floor, drops his jeans and underwear, and kneeling on the wet bathroom concrete floor, sniff kisses Puke's nose.
Puke turns off the tap.
"What are you doing, brother?"
Between licking and biting, Pee snarls, "I hate you!", and to suck Puke the better, pushes him up to stand.
Through the open door, Puke can see the stupid monkey holding the torn and glued picture. Caressing Pee's ears, Puke produces the sound Pee needs to hear: "Tsk, tsk, never mind, brother!"
SLEEPING
Living Room of Suite 666 – Midnight
Pee is watching TV while Puke is taking care of Khun Nigel in the bedroom.
In his heart, Pee talks to Khun Nigel, explaining: "Normally…" Pee giggles, because "normally" is how Puke begins when he wants to show Pee the way.
Pee (in his heart, to Khun Nigel): "Normally, I don't like the customer who wants two guys, but you are a friend… (Pee giggles again) … because normally… I don't care to see Puke kissing another guy."
Neither does Pee care about the movie about an upcountry orphan…
Pee (to himself): "That boy is only an actor…"
The small boy's pain watching other boys having mothers to help after school is too real for Pee. He wants to switch channels, but cannot. Not having any parents to provide for makes Pee feel outcast. What is Puke doing? How long will Khun Nigel take to come?
Pee (to himself): "Puke is not my mother."
Pee (to himself, giggling): "Why are you thinking 'Puke is not my mother'? Now, you have gone mad-mad, really-really."
Bedroom of Suite 666 – Midnight
Puke body massages Khun Nigel, slithering his oily body over Khun Nigel's cock until Khun Nigel hyperventilates and his cum is running onto the bath towels Puke spread on the bed to protect Khun Lukas and Khun Mike's sheets.
Puke leads Khun Nigel to the shower, shampoos him, towels him dry, and lifting up Khun Nigel's cock, blows cool air on it.
Puke (giggling): "You ok?"
Bedroom of Suite 666 – 1 A.M.
Khun Nigel falls asleep spooned against Pee's delicious butt.
Bedroom of Suite 666 – 1:30 A.M.
Pee (whispers): "Brother, come here!"
Puke (whispers): "Make no noise!"
Puke gets up, walks around the bed and gets into the bed from the other side.
Pee (whispers): "Fuck me!"
Puke (giggling, whispers): "How, brother?"
Pee (giggling, whispers): "I need it."
Puke (giggling, whispers): "It's not possible."
Pee (whispers): "Let me suck you!"
Puke sits up on the edge of the bed and tries to get his cock close to Pee's mouth. Afraid to wake up Khun Nigel (who is pretending to sleep), Pee doesn't dare to move.
Finally, Pee's head is on Puke's thigh and Puke's cock in Pee's mouth, but neither is Puke's cock really hard nor is Pee really sucking. They're both tired. Soon, Puke is snoring next to Pee.
Puke's head is heavy on Pee's arm.
Pee sniff kissing Puke's neck, repeats to himself: "You are not my mother."
Falling asleep again, Khun Nigel moves. Without disturbing Puke's sleep, Pee shifts Puke's head onto the pillow and turns to Khun Nigel, to make sure Khun Nigel doesn't want sex.
Bedroom of Suite 666 – 7 A.M.
When Khun Nigel opens his eyes, Pee is next to him, offering him his morning hard-on.
Pee expects to get kissed and looks forward to get sucked… Khun Nigel loves to suck Pee.
Half aware of what is going on beyond Pee's back, Puke dreams that he is on the night bus home with Pee sleeping on his lap. Puke wouldn't mind to get sucked too but he is too sleepy to reach out and pull Pee's head down.
About to come big time, Pee kicks the mattress with his feet and hits the pillow with his head. When finally, he comes, Pee blows his cum so hard in Khun Nigel's mouth that he almost knocks out Khun Nigel's fillings. The berserk soundtrack alone makes Khun Nigel (and the Farangs in both adjacent rooms plus a "sure gay" room service guy spilling his complimentary welcome juice in front of the door) come hands free.
Puke dreams he comes by himself too, but waking up and checking, he finds that his dream was just that.
While Khun Nigel is in the bathroom, Pee is zapping with sticky fingers, waiting to be next.
Puke: "Did you eat, brother?"
Pee (giggling): "You're not my mother."
EATING
Lobby of the Tarntawan Place Hotel – 11 A.M.
Pee and Puke, both stark naked but for the genuine Nikes Air something Khun Nigel bought them in Central Silom last night and the fake CK underwear, fake D&G jeans, tight fake Nike trunks, fake Playboy socks he paid for on the way home from dinner, eat breakfast with Khun Nigel.
Pee and Puke are chop-sticking their Thai noodles which smell of burnt sugar. Khun Nigel is knife-and-forking his porky bacon and eggs. They're in a good mood and look forward to spend the day zipping through the Thonburi klongs.
Pee (in Thai to Puke): "What about the noodles?"
Puke giggles and eyeing Khun Brute – "Bruce" becomes "Brute" in Thailand – a carnally known Farang who is about to gatecrash their table, Puke whispers in rude Thai, "My ass doesn't like sh-it."
Pee half-closes his left eye, which means, "My ass doesn't like sh-it either."
Khun Nigel (to Khun Brute, mentally welcoming him with a raised middle finger): "Have a seat, Bruce!"
Turning to Khun Nigel, Puke gets that Khun Nigel understood that "sh-it" meant Khun Brute, and makes a sound like a gecko about to fall from the ceiling, "Tsk, tsk, never mind!"
Khun Brute (sitting down, pointing his mobile phone at Pee): "He's a handsome money boy," and (pointing it at Puke), "He's got a big cock."
Khun Nigel (Buddhist): "Tea or coffee?"
Khun Brute (brushing a spoon off the table pointing at Pee with today's Bangkok Post): "How much does he charge you?"
Whitney Houston wishes them a white Christmas. Khun Nigel would willingly pay Khun Brute's sled fare to the airport.
Khun Brute lights a cigarette and blows the smoke towards the wall-mounted air conditioner, which blows it back into Khun Nigel's face. Puke fetches an ashtray from the nearest smoking table.
Khun Nigel smiles politely. Pee and Puke giggle good-naturedly about "Lot dai mai?" [Do you give a discount?]. Then becoming aware that they could be second-guessed, they lower their heads and eat. Deafening silence.
Khun Brute (upset, to Pee): "You are too greedy, you know."
Puke (in rude Thai, to Pee): "Sh-it's none of your cock's business!"
Khun Nigel (to Khun Brute): "Do you expect Pee to say like Jo [see "Call Joe"], 'You already gave me too much yesterday'? Did you hear about Jo's…"
Khun Brute (interrupting Khun Nigel): "No boy is worth five thousand."
Pee knows that he looks like a TV soap actor. Puke reads Puke's mind and giggling repeats: "Sh-it's none of your cock's business, brother!"
Khun Nigel is picking what's left of Pee's morning cum from his mustache.
Khun Brute (pointing with his knife at Puke, to Khun Nigel): "He is ugly."
Puke smiles apologizing, fuming. Why is sh-it making fun of his ass? Did his ass ever try his ass' luck in a Lovely Boy competition? Puke itches to garland sh-it with sh-it's own entrails.
Pee (in rude Thai to Puke, grinning): "Your cock is ugly; pee on sh-it."
Khun Brute (pointing his sausage-loaded fork at Puke): "And why don't you approach?"
Khun Nigel looks at Pee, grinning, and says soothing: "Khun Bruce is just trying to be friendly."
Khun Brute (to Khun Nigel): "I like to sit in the back and have the little rascals grinding their butts into my crotch."
Pee doesn't want Puke to sit on Khun Brute's dick; Puke hates sh-it.
Khun Brute (to Khun Nigel): "I don't waste my time with money boys."
Pulling out his reading glasses and a small notebook, Khun Brute reviews the mostly short-time "boys" he had since he flew in: Jack (a money boy), Tea (a nice guy), Nong (silent type but did his best), Pat (an amateur), Nat (horny and good company but a money boy), Ning (very experienced), Baw (a student), Ar (well-hung), Noom (too quiet but well-hung), Wit (good service), Boy (saving for a sex change operation), Oat (forgot), Mong (cut and married), Em (an easygoing sissy), Day (an enigma), Pan (a hardworking Isan boy who did everything), Puk (professional), Gap (forgot), Bee (shortlisted), Kob (a star), Tee (small and cute), Ken (wild), May (sweet), Audy (good company but straight), Ong (nice manners but big family problems), Berm (a comfortable guy), Neung (did his best but depressing), Dum (knows how and hung), Wut (good fuck but a queen), Lek (another queen), Tree (professional and honest but ugly), Noi (nice but no clue), Pu (a refugee), Jas (sweet), Ta (another sissy), Keung (an orphan looking for a daddy), Kan (a cheerful, friendly guy), Dom (another queen), Lek (had a hard life), Tee [another Tee] (too bashful), Ken (a money boy), Pee [another Pee] (still another sissy).
Khun Brute (to Khun Nigel): "I have three, four guys a day, and never pay more than thousand baht short time. I mean business; that's why I get respect."
Khun Brute recites the shopping list of those he must have before he'll schlep his lube-dripping ass back to the airport: Golf, Pan [another Pan], Rob, Korn [see "Korn or Kob"], Tom, Ning [another Ning], Korn [another Korn], Ao, Chy, Worapoj, Phet, Suan, Wit, Korn [still another Korn], Pee [still another Pee]…
Khun Brute's face is grey, his eyes are dead, his mouth is an emoticon for bitterness and frustration. He screws the cigarette butt into his plate.
Khun Brute (grim): "I want to have all the fun I can get."
Khun Nigel orders more coffee. Puke repeats to himself that sh-it's none of his ass' business. Pee envisages sh-it in underwear framed on the front page of Thai Rath with an almost naked Khmer kid. Let sh-it rot in prison!
Khun Brute (draining his cup while getting up): "I have to hurry or my boy watch table in front of Dick's Café will be taken!"
Khun Brute leaves.
Puke (worried whether he behaved impolitely): "He no happy man." Puke puts the ashtray back onto the nearest smoking table.
Pee (to Khun Nigel): "Boys too many bad for…" He tips at his head.
Khun Nigel: "You can fly an ass to Bangkok, and make him drink beer, but you can't make him think!"
Puke (understanding zero): "Tsk, tsk…"
Pee (understanding as much): "… never mind!"
IN THE VILLAGE
In Pee and Puke's Room
The tsunami hit Pee and Puke's business too. The Farangs, where have they gone?
Puke: "Why don't we go back home?"
Pee has been in Puke's village before. Why does everybody have "his" village? Why can everybody "go back home" except Pee?
Pee: "Let's go!"
In a Bus
Pee and Puke sit in the bus. Hour by hour, Puke can see the stressful Bangkok world change back into the skytrainless, undergroundless, taxiless, tuktukless, pickup world he grew up in. For Puke, the heat, the dust, the poverty mean "home" and happiness.
For Pee the heat, the dust, the poverty mean that one place he cannot return to. Has Pee no right to remember the mangy dog he loved, the old black water buffalo who listened to his woes, the tame crow with one white feather picking sunflower seeds from his fingers?
In the Village
Puke's father's legs were crippled by an accident years ago. The house is in the worst part of the village. If the river swells, their land gets swamped first. They are poor, but thanks to money sent home, they own their house and the land on which it is built. There are electricity and water, TV, DVD, fridge, rice cooker… Among the village poor, they are rich.
Puke's father and mother are expert "one village one product" weavers. It is of them Puke thinks when Bangkok life skins him alive. He is proud that his brothers and sisters go to school. Whatever people in Bangkok may think of him, in the village he is an "elder brother".
Pee loves the country food, the temple fair loudspeakers, the mat he sleeps on; even the mosquitoes have a different sting upcountry. Pee is Puke's brother, Puke's family is Pee's family, and Puke's fair and vain youngest sister has made Pee her special phii [elder brother].
In the Village Wat
Puke takes Pee to the wat to make merit for Pee's mother. After the offerings, they shake and drop sticks to know their future. Puke's paper reads…
Harmony. Success!
… followed by half a page of marital advice concentrating on the duties of an ideal wife.
Pee: "Learn it by heart!"
Puke: "You are my wife!"
Pee: "How can you contradict the sacred oracle?"
Puke: "Let's see yours, brother!"
Pee shakes the tin container until one stick pops out:
Many children;
Wealthy Chinese!
Puke: "See wifey!"
Pee: "Who believes it?"
Puke: "Are you a Chink or not, brother?"
In the Evening
Beer gets drunk and jokes cracked. Pee is happy to sit with the family. His special younger sister is playing "bomb buster" on his phone. When Puke says "we" meaning Pee and Puke, Pee feels he belongs; but when Father or Mother talk about Puke's childhood, Pee feels remote and has to look at the brawny, silent young man sitting next to Puke, Puke's village friend.
That the brawny guy's eyes are riveted to Pee's powdered TV soap star look-alike face makes it easy for Pee not to be jealous. Is this the guy with the big tool Puke talked about?
Late at Night
Everybody is sleeping or supposed to. Pee can't find sleep. Father and Mother are the only family he has and they are not his family. Why believe Pee belongs where he doesn't? What if Puke gets bored and finds another friend? They are Puke's family.
Pee: "Brother, are you sleeping?"
Puke: "Do you feel thirsty?"
Pee: "I must piss."
Puke: "I'll come with you."
They climb down the wooden stairs, take a few steps towards the river and piss.
Pee: "Was this the guy with the big thing?"
Puke: "Normally… (giggling)… yes, a big bamboo."
Pee: "Did you let him…?"
Puke: "Never… are you itching for it?"
Pee: "He is your friend."
Puke (giggling): "Why ask for it if you can't take it?"
Pee: "Let's go back. I cannot sleep."
They climb back up and sit on the porch, drinking water.
Pee: "What does the oracle mean?"
Puke: "You'll be rich, marry and have children."
Pee: "I don't want to marry."
Puke (giggling): "I can't pay much dowry."
Pee: "Just give me one billion."
In the Bus
Pee and Puke spent all their money; they have to return to Bangkok.
Pee: "Do you think one day they'll allow gays to marry in Thailand?"
Puke (giggling): "Would you marry me?"
Pee: "You have to ask …" He falls silent.
Puke: "Let's talk of something else, brother!"
Pee: "How big is that guy's?"
Puke (hitting Pee in the ribs with his elbow showing): "Like that!"
Pee: "He could work in a fuck show!"
Puke: "I don't want him to."
In Pee and Puke's Room
They both had a shower and are ready to sleep.
Pee: "How much does it cost to bring a body to the village to burn?"
Puke: "Would you do this for me?"
Pee: "You're not the one going to die, brother!"
S-TUPID
Upstairs in the Bar – Late Afternoon
Pee is typing mails to the Farangs Puke is missing.
Puke: "What are you writing?"
Pee: "Must have contact lenses…"
Puke: "What do you need contact lenses for, brother?"
Pee: "I am writing for you, s-tupid!"
Puke: "I don't need contact lenses; I'm not s-tupid!"
Pee: "They very expensive, 12'000 baht…"
Puke: "Eak said 8'000…"
In the bar – Same Time
The bar opens early. The boys who need to be good boys are cleaning. Others are sneaking in hoping not to get fined for being late. Khun Boss' boyfriend is putting flowers and lighting incense in front of the bar altar. The doorman is smoking close to the entrance. The door is open, the two captains are hanging around outside in black pants and shirts. Business is so low that the "Promotion" board stays outside Saturday night.
Last night, one sweet grandfather showed up right at four o'clock, picked up his boy, paid and left ten past four. That was the evening's business. Two soft drinks, one off-fee. By midnight, Khun Boss' mood was sour; no boy dared to speak. What if the bar would close for good? Where should they all go to work? At one o'clock, who asked for taxi money? Take a bus or walk!
Upstairs in the Bar – Late Afternoon
Pee types with one finger.
Puke: "12'000 is too much!"
Pee: "What difference does it make to a Farang?"
Puke: "I feel shy."
Puke (moody): "Can't eat shy."
Downstairs, the music starts. A customer must be outside. Pee finishes quickly, "My me money…"
In the Bar – Early Evening
Puke is already on the stairs, when he turns around in terror. "Mannfett!"
Pee: "I will kill him."
Puke: "Khun Boss will box me."
Pee: "Never mind, brother! Stay up here!"
Mannfett is about to explain to the doorman leading him in that Puke flooded his apartment and then ran away. Before Khun Boss has time to make her grand entrance, Pee has alarmed the whole troupe. Fifteen boys are closing in on Mannfett, putting his hands where his eyes are going and their hands where he hurts most.
Pee: "Me suck you tonight, ok? No pay you, me like real man."
Mannfett: "Where is that boy, your friend?"
Pee: "He dead. Me my friend you, ok?"
Mannfett: "Dead? I don't believe."
Pee: "Sure dead. He mother cy accident."
Mannfett orders beer with ice. Khun Boss itches to ask whether Mannfett wants to off Pee. Mannfett doesn't like Pee. Pee is too smart… but for free… but there is that other Isan boy Mannfett never dared to touch while he was with Puke… but to save six hundred Baht… but already that boy, Ong, is tonguing the inside of Mannfett's palm and slipping his fingers between the buttons of Mannfett's stonewashed Levi's 501. Mannfett is about to come… Time to go!
Upstairs in the Bar – At Night
Puke can't believe that Mannfett offed Ong without getting Puke beaten up.
Pee: "I told Mannfett you're dead."
Puke: "What if he sees me in the soi?"
Pee: "You say..."
Pee (acting s-tupid): "Khun Mannfett! Puke miss you very. No sleep, miss Khun Mannfett too much."
Khun Mannfett (shouting): "Arschloch! Erst läßt die Wanne überlaufen und dann haust ab!"
Pee (acting s-tupid): "Puke ring bell very, Khun Mannfett no open door why? Leave my friend you outside. Me wait day two, Khun Mannfett no come. My friend me give money Puke, Puke back Thailand."
Khun Mannfett (shouting): "Arschloch! Was soll der Quatsch! Abgehauen bist!"
Pee (acting s-tupid and bitter): "Now, Ong my friend you. Ong face better me, sek better me. No need Puke. You happy, good for you."
Pee and Puke's Room – 4 p.m.
It is raining in Bangkok. The streets are flooded.
Puke: "Take the bus."
Pee: "Don't go. I hate rain."
Puke: "Khun Boss will fine you. I go."
Pee: "Stay here. I hate rain."
Puke: "I'll say you're sick."
Pee: "Stay here. I need yet…"
Puke: "Go fly a kite."
Puke is putting his jeans and clean t-shirt into a plastic bag. He pulls old shorts over his underwear. He will care for his make-up in the bar.
Pee: "Don't go!"
Puke: "What's the matter? Let's go."
Pee: "What I friend are you?"
Puke: "It's just rain."
Pee: "Key rain!"
Puke wants to slip into his flip-flops, but Pee stops him.
Pee: "Don't go!"
Puke pushes him aside and leaves the room.
Near Rama IV – 4:05 P.M.
Puke goes down the stairs. When he arrives at the street, he remembers the plastic bag with his street clothes. He climbs the stairs up to their second floor room.
Pee is on their bed, face down.
Pee: "Go!"
Puke: "Are you crying?"
Pee: "You want me to cry, don't you?"
Puke: "What's wrong with you today, brother?"
Pee: "Go! Who needs an I friend like you."
When Puke tries to kiss him, Pee says, "Let me wash!"
Puke: "We will be late both."
Pee: "I friend! Key Khun Boss! Yet first!"
Silom Soi 6 – Early Evening
It is still raining. They are late. Khun Boss is about to box them both, when a potbellied scumbag person with rosy cheeks and rimless bifocals floats into the club and from the dais of her three inch Elevator™ shoes addresses Khun Boss.
Scumbagesse: "You don't have a guy who can get it up, do you?"
Khun Boss: "Have a seat! Here are muscular boys for you."
Scumbagesse: "Don't waste my time! I need a big cock!"
Captain Boy touches the scumbag person's shoulder.
Scumbagesse: "Don't touch me! I'm a lady!"
Khun Boss (to Puke in Thai): "I Puke, come here!"
Silom Soi 6 – Minutes Later
The scumbag person's right hand is inside Puke's shorts. Because Puke needs to come twice, his cock is still swollen and dripping cum.
Scumbagesse to Khun Boss: "He can't get it up, can he?"
Captain Boy: "Would you like a drink?"
Scumbagesse (to captain Boy): "I'm not talking with you."
Khun Boss (to captain Boy in Thai): "Show time!"
Scumbagesse to Khun Boss: "You're not going to answer my question, are you?"
The scumbag person orders one Coke. On a small stage, two young men are soaping each other's private parts. The scumbag person is massaging Puke's snake gourd. Puke doesn't care who's going to suck him; just do it!
Scumbagesse (to captain Boy): "You wouldn't know how to call a taxi, don't you?"
Silom Soi 6 – Midnight
Pee is sitting in a corner. He feels ashamed because he is upset. Whenever some boy passes, he smiles into empty space. Nobody needs to see his face. Hasn't Puke gone with customers before? Why can't Pee take it anymore? He calls Khun Nigel from the club's coin phone.
Khun Nigel's answering machine: "Hi! This Nigel's answering machine…"
Pee feels like cutting his veins again, when Puke boxes him in the ribs.
Puke: "Let's go home!"
Silom Road – 1 A.M.
Pee: "Called Khun Nigel…"
Puke: "How is Khun Nigel?"
Pee: "Not there. Khun Nigel said before…"
Puke: "Stay in Pattaya?"
Pee: "I hate rain."
Puke: "Good luck!"
Pee: "I Puke! You too!"
Pee and Puke's Room – 1:30 A.M.
Pee (pulling his wet T-shirt over his head): "Yet again?"
Puke: "Mouse is tired."
Pee (imitating Puke): "Tsk, tsk, never mind, brother! My ass loves your cock.
[1] Thai "dog".
[2] Thai "shit".
[3] Thai "fuck".